That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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