Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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