WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
