so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
