We're like a lot better than the average bears
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
