She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
