It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
