i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
