if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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