Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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