Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
