we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
