Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
