so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
