You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
