Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
