u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
