Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
