dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
