Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
