And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
