Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
