I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
