its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
