oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
