I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
