I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
