I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
