I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
