I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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