I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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