why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
