laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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