I got chris browned last night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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