My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
