it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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