Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I am mentally ready for anal.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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