eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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