hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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