she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
