thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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