When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
