I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
