You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
