i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
