There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
