It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
