Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
