New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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