How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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