hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's rum buckets o'clock
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
