i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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